Tweeting God

I don't know why it seems so hard to pray. I have a few guesses, but I'm sure there are a lot of reasons. I think I sometimes avoid praying because, I'm afraid that God will require too much from me. What if I go into my room and plan on praying for five minutes and then a bunch of people come to mind and I begin to pray for them, and then things come to mind about myself and I have to face them, and then before I know it, hours have passed, and all I've done all day is pray. Would that really be such a bad thing Charissa?

I think the fear of praying beyond, a blessing at the dinner table, or a quick, help me Jesus, is really, at least for me and issue of intimacy. It's beautiful and scary in some ways to be close to God. He sees all things, knows all things, hears all things. He already knows what's on my heart before I pray it. Then why does he need me to pray? Why can't he just read my mind? I know when I hear myself pray, it reminds me of my brokenness, my pain, my joys, my needs. When I pray, I take ownership of my stuff and then I am able to ask God to heal me, help me, encourage me.

I pray all the time during the day, little shout outs to God, about this or about that. I pray before meals and when I'm stressed or struggling. These are my little one liners to God, these are my tweets to God. The thing about only tweeting God, is it's pretty shallow. Most people don't tweet their whole life story, they just give little blurps to the world.

I guess tweets are fine and good, for people you don't know or those whom you only associate with on a tweeting level. However, God is not just someone that I want to tweet. He needs my blog, he needs more of what's going on in my soul, not just where I am, or how I feel, or what I just ate.

Today, I wanted to be more intentional about conversing with God. I realize tweeting God is okay, but it's not enough. God is an intimate God, he wants relationship. He has things to share with us, and desires to put on our hearts.He has blessings and healing and deliverance, strength, encouragement and so much more.

I know, I need to allow God more space in my life. I want him to be active in my life, but I don't think the proof is always there. Today, I decided that my tweeting life with God, needed to go a step further. I know that I don't need to be afraid, that God is going to take all my time. That fear showed me, that I really needed to spend some alone time with God, because I needed to work through the barriers that kept me from fully opening myself up to God in prayer.

My husband and kids were all home, and I knew that if my kids saw me leave the room they would come find me, so I snuck back to my room, kept all the lights off, knelt on the floor and put the blankets over my head, this way when Jeremiah, my 2 1/2 year old came to find me, he wouldn't see me and distract me. I decided a good way to break the ice and deal with my fear was to pray the A.C.T.S.

A  is for Adoration it was good to just honestly sit and think over my life and praise God for who he is. I used to just say all the things, that I thought I was supposed to believe about God, but this time, I searched my heart and used words that were true and real to my experience with God, and it was different and good this time.

C is for Confession I again searched my heart and things began to come to mind, some things about myself, that I didn't really want to think about, but C is for Confession, so I confessed them and there was peace and forgiveness.

T is for Thanksgiving, I thought about  how God is so cool and a great listener, and how even as I sat there, he was there, he wasn't making me feel guilty about only tweeting him the last few months, he was accepting and open and forgiving and present. It was so good to feel and know that I can always come before God, regardless. I needed that reminder.

S is for Supplication, it's interesting after all of the above, it isn't hard to end with supplication. I need a lot of things from God. This was a time of being honest about my needs and fears and concerns for others. It was a great time of listening to my heart and verbalizing it to God. When we hear ourselves pray and ask God for what we need, an expectation is then created and that encourages faith and God is pleased by our faith. He's a good God, he knows how to give good gifts, and I 'm not talking about material things here, although God provides our daily needs too.

My time of prayer only lasted about 15 minutes( Wow, God didn't drug me and make me pray for hours (lol), I guess those fears were unfounded. I'm sure when people pray for a long time, they want to, and enjoy being in the presence of  God, it isn't burdensome.) This time of prayer for me was perfect and refreshing, it made my day worthwhile. I have experienced long prayer times and they are refreshing and life giving as well. I'm open God, to your time.

 We don't have to clock hours with God, but it makes sense to, if we want to know him and know ourselves better. I don't feel afraid anymore. My desire is to do this daily. I need it. I need God. Spending time with him, where I can share my heart  and listen to his, is what is going to hold this woman together, God give my life it's ultimate purpose.