Struggling

   
   I'm honestly, kind of in a funk. I need some encouragement. I need to encourage myself. I'm getting a little too anxious these days. I'm carrying a few too many burdens on my own shoulders. I'm at times losing sight about what's really important. I know what's really important, but living like I do is not as easy. I need to manage my time better. I need to make sure the things, people, relationships, etc that are essential get nurtured in my life. I'm looking for more balance. I need to take some things a little more seriously, I need to chill out in some areas and I need to laugh more, that's a fact.

     I love to laugh. In my stress management class, it's the tool I chose to work on, to help deal with the stress of life. I tried to just laugh when my son threw up as soon as I cleaned the whole house and we were about to walk out the door. I try to laugh when I work on ten math problems, check the answers only to find they are all wrong, or when a surprise bill comes, or the car won't start when I come out of the grocery store and of course all my kids are in tow.
    Maybe that's not how the whole application of laughter is supposed to work. So, I'm still working on finding the humor in stuff that stresses me out. I have however, just a little bit more than I used too, learned that life will go on, and God is faithful, even in my crisis.
     I wrote the poem below a few years ago, but it's what I need to hear again right now. I'm in that season, where the things I need to do and the energy and motivation I need to have are not where I'd like them to be. I realize I am tired in a lot of ways and I need to give this season and all the baggage that comes with it to Jesus. I'm weary and I know I can't walk any further on my own. God is with us. I know he is waiting for me to admit it's too much. I'm not looking for him to swoop down and rescue me like some Superman, cause I know God isn't about instant fixes. Since he's in for the long haul and invested in our lives, like I wrote about in my post  "Note to Self.". I'm really looking forward to God to sitting with me and reminding me of how much he loves me, I need to do some more reminding of myself, but reading the Bible too. It's crazy how easy I can get sidetracked from what I deem important. I'm so glad God is gracious. I'm also thankful that he is consistent and doesn't mind reminding us when we lose sight of our focus.
     This poem is about resting in God, admitting you are weary, and that being okay.

Wait on You

I will wait on you God
when my feet are tired

I will wait on you God
when my mind is wired

I will wait on you God
when I think I have a better plan

I will wait on you God
when I can no longer stand

I will wait on you God
even if the sun sets and rises

I will wait on you God
I will be blessed by your surprises

I will wait on you God
even when its scary to do

I will wait on you God
You are faithful and true

Heal me, restore me, refresh my soul
You hold the blueprint to my life...I'm letting go.

Charissa Carroll 2010