There is another way, but you will have to fight!

Why do you do what you do? Are your actions based on what you want or what you think people want/expect you to do? Am I the only one who struggles with worrying and at times basing my actions on what others may "think" of me? I have been on this journey to be more in tune with myself, to be more mindful of why I do what I do in my life. I want to live intentionally. I want to make decisions based on thought and prayer rather than emotion. In love rather than fear. I am realizing that this is a daily challenge and joy.

Today, I went for a three mile walk. I enjoy walking, and I also enjoy an occasional jog. I walked two miles and then I felt like jogging. The park trail was full of people walking, running, trotting etc. I found myself looking around to make sure none of the "real runners" saw me "trying to run". I didn't want to be judged for my form or my body. I thought that they may think I am "too big" to be trying to jog, or someone might laugh at how I only jogged for a few minutes and then walked again. I really considered pushing down my desire to jog, because of someones disapproval or judgement.

I had to speak truth to myself in this moment. I had to battle the "god of other's thoughts" and encourage myself to jog and be true to my intent in the moment. I did. Well, it took a few minutes, I will admit I looked around and tried to start when no no one was around, but eventually I picked up my feet and jogged.I had to make and intentional decision and trust God, choose not to look back or worry who was behind me, or what others thought about me at the moment. It was a small victory for me. I needed this victory, as a person who is on the sometimes never-ending journey of getting in shape. This was a move towards a healthier me, and I didn't need anything getting in the way.

Today on my walk/jog was not the only time I have been faced with this battle against the " god of what other's think". It has been a life long struggle, that I have not always won. In fact I have lived too much of my life  thinking I knew what other's thought about me and using lies to guide my steps rather that listening to God's guidance and the truth he has given me in my heart.

I joke about the "god of what others think", but at the same time, I'm serious. This worry of "they" and what others might say or think, locks a lot of us down, it puts some of us in serious bondage and turns to fear then paranoia and in the end can rob us of our God-given passions and dreams. The "lies" become truth and truth loses its rightful place and fear takes over and hope gets lost.

It's a subtle beast, this "god of what other's think". It comes in the form of shame, and shouldn't and you can't, you won't, it's impossible, you're too fat, too skinny, to ugly, to mean, too emotional. It shouts lies that, no one will understand you, no one wants to hear you, wait until you are stronger,wait until you are richer, wait until it's easy... life, will never be easy, like an easy button.
 
This life is a series of little journeys and seasons of joy and pain, and everything in between. The hope I  have though, and the hope I offer to you is this. God knows you. He knows what he put in you. Those passions, they are a gift from God.

Those lies, they are a gift from Satan, to throw you off course. Satan battles us because he can, he battles us because he came to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus came that we may have life and have it abundantly and to empower us to fight the battle against the thief.

Look over your life today. Be aware in each moment and be present. If you wonder how you can know if it's a lie or truth, test it. First ask yourself, is what I'm trying to do going to please the Lord and is it good for me. If you can answer yes, then you know there will be a battle. The only way to fight this battle of lies, is with truth.

On the other hand, if what you are getting into, is not pleasing to the Lord, and is not good for you,then be aware there will still be a battle. This time Satan will try to shame and condemn you. This battle is won with repentance and  accepting the forgiveness of Jesus.

 God does not send condemnation. The Holy Spirit convicts us, but the purpose is to lead us to repentance and a peaceful relationship with Jesus.

I want to encourage all of us, myself included, to ask God to help us recognize the truth from a lie and to act accordingly. God has equipped us to fight this battle and he wants us to win. He gave us hope, passions and dreams for a reason. Guard yours. Be alert, look alive and act like you know.

Blessings to you!

 

     I haven't written in a long time. This season of life for me, has at times slapped me speechless. It has been a season of prayer and thinking, talking and just a smidgen of writing. It is often difficult for me to write when my mind is full and my heart is heavy. The simple act of writing at those times often overwhelms me. I find that the pen cannot handle my heart and the paper will not be able to withstand the weight of the words. I want to get past this... I want to write during these times... I want to pour my heart onto the paper... and trust that it can contain the whole of what I am feeling.

     My habit during these times is often to pour it all out to God. I know his hands can contain all that I pour into them and his heart can handle my garbled emotions. I also know he can respond to my hearts cry and bring comfort to my heartache. I have benefited many times from talking to my husband, close friends and family about the issues of my heart, and I have been thankful for the love and listening and wise counsel they have given me. I need  people in my life that can offer me heart compassion and comfort, but at the end of the day it's only Jesus that can fully bear my burden. His capacity is great, and He not only receives my pouring out, but he give me beauty for ashes, faith for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. And... He promises me his love... always consistent, always unconditional, always filled with mountains of grace. Yes, He offers his correction too, but it comes with restoration and baskets of forgiveness for my sinful-redeemed soul.

     God truly is an ever present help in times of need, and a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He knows me and I need that sometimes. I need the one who can translate my sighs and not take offense to my emotional garbling. I have been blessed in countless ways, but the primo blessing is the steadfast, fresh, everlasting love and grace of God. It changes, challenges and sustains me in the weariest of seasons and in the highs of life. May you be encouraged today in God's steadfast love for you. He knows you. You can't surprise or shock him. Pour out your heart to the counselor of counselors and receive his grace and love in abundance.

And Then She Spoke

She often betrays her own heart
when the words lined up in her flesh find the back door to her mouth
they scurry off her tongue like a dash of thunder
she's heard it said, she's read it herself
"Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
not one to argue with the Holy Word, Yet she finds herself wanting to object to the passage
Abundance of my heart? What abounds in her heart these days?
She's had season's of sweetness, Words so light they danced with joy out of her heart off of her ribcage, and with joy and great airiness floated their way to her tongue, cascading out of her mouth like a treasured waterfall
and there have been times that the sweet words fell on bitter ears and returned to her broken and wearied
She's had seasons of words so rough they scratch her throat, fighting each other to get out only to fall out jumbled and messy, soaked in tears. Sometimes falling on deaf ears that couldn't handle the mangled mess of letters
Words disguised as anger, words clothed in wrath, yet filled with pain and discontent never having the courage to speak on their own, wrapped only in their true garment of pain
She's had seasons of words and thoughts that never found their way to her mouth
words with roots so deep, words that seeped through her soul into her fingers
only to be seen on recycled trees, penned in blue ink
She's had seasons of words that bruised her heart coming up from her gut with murmurs and groaning so cavernous only her Creator could decipher their meaning
She's had seasons of words and they have blessed her, broken her, nourished her, condemned her and freed her
and in all these seasons, in all these words and writings and groaning
I guess...
her heart spoke
maybe not always in gentleness and peace
maybe not always with seamless words or cascading grace
but she opened her mouth and out of it her heart dealt its cards
"Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
it's true, it does
she searched her heart... and then she spoke
it was necessary
it was broken
it was beautiful
it was covered by God's grace