Meant to last...

It seems every channel I turn to, or every radio station I listen to, has news of tragedy around the world, natural disasters, crime, brokenness on every corner. It makes living in this world rough, and at times depressing. I find hope and sadness in the reality that this world is not all there is. The hope is found in the truth that God created this world, and that he knows how much it can handle, he knows how much we can handle. At times it seems he really tests our limits. If this world was all there was, I would be devastated on a daily basis, but Jesus tells us that this world is not our home, that we are just passing through. I find hope in the truth that God has another place for us, one free of drama.

The sadness comes in the loss of  lives, homes, land, joy, all the things that brokenness and tragedy and natural disasters can steal. The sadness comes in the tears I see streaming down people's faces on the news, or the catch in their throats as they talk about what they have seen. The inability to talk and the look of despair in their eyes when they can only whisper in their hearts what is going on, or can't even begin to find words to capture their experience.

In this crazy -God made world. Even though God made it, sadly it is also subject to brokenness and will not last forever. The only thing, or I should say the only one, who can stand the test of time, who can't be torn down by a hurricane, or blown away by  a tornado, or crumbled by an earthquake... is God. He holds up this world, with tears in his eyes at times, but he still holds us up. To some this world seems void of God and to others, they feel him in the wind. To me, I know he's here and sometimes he seems rough and sometimes he seems as  sweet as a flower, but I know he's here, and he will not abandon us or his world. He is stable, and in that I find hope.

Below is poem I wrote back in 2006 regarding the " Meant to last" quality of God.

Will Not Crumble


The name of the Lord is a strong tower
The righteous run into it and are safe

You, Oh God are a mighty fortress
An ever present help in times of trouble
You stand firm, you do not crumble

You, my Lord are water in the desert
Sun in the winter
Bread for my hungry soul
You stand firm
You do not crumble

You, my sweet, sweet Jesus are like honey to my lips
And oil to my dry flesh
You melt the hearts of men
You are steadfast
You stand firm, you do not crumble

My God is a strong tower
A Mighty fortress
A steady help in times of need
Sweet like honey to my lips
Oil to my weathered flesh
Living water to my thirsty spirit

My Lord is righteous and holy
And willing to love all the day long
My God is faithful and real
And able to stand firm
He does not crumble

My sweet, sweet Jesus is sweeter than sweet
And gentle
And the King of my heart
This world
My life
His universe
And he is here
now
Forever
And always
He is who He is
And
He
Will
Not
Crumble

Charissa Carroll
2006

For God's Girl

There is someone in my life, someone close to me that I love so dearly. I haven't always known how to show her this love. We have had quite the journey together. I spoke with her today, and learned so many new things about her. In this season and for many seasons of her life, her heart and soul have been heavy with sadness. My heart aches for her, and I really don't know what to do except... what I know to do. I know to pray and encourage and to call forth truth even in the darkest hour. I know God sees, and hears, and loves even in the darkness. You know who you are, and God knows where you are. I tell you today, his grace and his love are enough to satisfy your soul.  You belong to him, you have been bought by the blood of Jesus. I pray that hope would fill your heart and peace would corrupt your mind and truth would liberate your soul and that God's love would be so clear to you this day. I love you. And for anyone else out there struggling. Remember "whose" you are, even when you may not always know "who" you are.


God's Girl


You see, you belong somewhere
And it isn't where you currently reside
I'm not talking about your physical address either
I'm talking about your mind, your heart, your soul
You are loved
But your eyes can't see it
And your heart won't believe it
and your mind can't conceive
that it could possible be true

So you look
and wander
and hover
in dark corners
waiting
praying
crying
hoping
giving up
and in
to all those things
that call your name
but they don't know you like he does
and they can't see you the way he does
and they can't love you
with that kind of love that sticks
to  your bones
like cornbread
you need some hearty love girl
and
well
it's here
waiting
pure and real
and lasting
a good piece of love that will never ever
lose it's flavor
stay hungry
stay desperate
long enough
to let
this love
God's love
satisfy
and quench
and bathe
and liberate
your soul
mind
spirit
until
well
until you find rest in it
and until
you believe
really believe
a sold out
giving up all I have type of belief
believe that you are truly
undeniably
and without reservation
no take-backs
for real though
loved
and that you are
by name
God's Girl

Charissa Carroll 4/25/2011

Psalms for Olivia

     My sister Olivia, is still in the hospital. However, the good news is... she is recovering well and should be getting out and coming home on next Wednesday. Please continue to keep her in  your prayers, she still has a bit of an uphill climb ahead of her.  My sister has been through a lot. I remember the first time this brain aneurysm happened to her, we were so scared, and the Doctor's initial reports were not very positive. Back in 2009 when she had her first aneurysm, I wrote these two Psalms for her. They still seem appropriate, because God has remained steady and faithful.
     As Easter is only hours away. I am again reminded of the resurrection of Jesus, his physical one, and the one he has give my sister.  Jesus' resurrection from the grave, gives us all access to  transformation from death to life. He died for us. He lives for us. We are his. In this truth, I rest. In this truth, I live, move, and exist.

Psalm for Olivia


Laugh out loud and cry with me
God has saved me with certainty

He has renewed my mind
Claimed my body in his time

With praise on my lips, I testify
Even though I don't understand why
But I know my God can see
All my life, and all of me

He cares, He knows
He's heard my cry
He knows I want to live
Not die

He's given me a testimony in his name
My life he has reclaimed

Who am I to deserve such a thing
Who am I not to sing
In praise to my King

I magnify you, the Holy One
Amazing things you have done!

For Olivia
Charissa Carroll September 2009

My God 


Who are you, my God who saves
Creating miracles in your own strength

Who are you, my God who hears
Drying and bottling all my tears

Who are you, my God who loves
Freeing my spirit like wild doves

Who are you, my God who heals
In your own way
In your own time
Staying true to your word
To renew my mind

Who are you, my God who sees
My brokenness my misdeeds
My neediness, my hearts desire
My souls ache to acquire
All of you
and less of me
in my human frailty
Yes, you are my God who sees

Who are you, my God who knows
The depth of the ocean
How the human heart grows
and beats
and breaks
and fights to stay awake

Who are you, my God who holds
My broken and weary soul

Who binds me up
With your grace
With a love
Like an embrace

Who are you, my God
My Delight ,who keeps me safe
Through the night
And walks with me in my weary plight
And doesn't get scared or take flight

Who are you, my God
My Soldier always faithful and ready
Geared up, keeping watch, keeping me steady
When I fear, lose sight or forget
My soul declares " He ain't failed me yet"

For Olivia
Charissa Carroll September 2009
(slightly modified 4/23/2011)

A little glimpse of heaven

I am honestly a little overwhelmed with life right now. There is a lot going on around me. It seems too many people I care about are hurting and struggling in one way or another. I am not without my own struggles. It's funny though, when someone around you needs you, it's easy to just put your effort for self-improvement on the back burner. I am realizing I can't do that for too long. I need to try and keep the balance of self-care and helping others.

There will always be "so much" to do, but I am trying to just focus on the basics for now, breathing, sleeping, eating and making sure my husband and kids do too. With my sister being in the hospital, I have tried to be up to see her everyday and sometimes I don't get to see her until pretty late each night, since I want to go up without my kids.

My house has been looking really special lately, the dishes have sat a little too long, and the condiments in the fridge had a tad too much breathing room. The kids teeth need a good flossing and the recycling needs to be taken out. Yes, there are two adults in our house and for the time four kiddos, but the adults have each  been a bit overloaded.

After I came back this morning from dropping the kids off at school, I was still feeling overwhelmed, and didn't even want to try and figure out how to tackle the "to do" list. While sitting in my car a moment, I glanced over our front lawn, and it was seriously in need of a good cut. I didn't need to even peek over the back fence, I already knew it was much too overgrown for a simple lawn mower. I tried to think when I could fit cutting the grass in, and the thought made me tired, since I knew I would end up that way, with all the work and being allergic to cut grass.

Needless to say, I didn't want to do it, but it needed to be done. I took my husband to work, went to get coolant for our car, since it was completely dry and tried to find a few things at the store to create Easter Baskets for my kids, although I quickly realized it wasn't the right time for that, when my two year old, wanted everything he saw.

As I drove up to my house, a little glimpse of heaven awaited me. I couldn't believe my eyes, my heart felt light and my mind felt free. I looked around my yard, and it was beautiful, the grass was cut and the edges were trimmed. I just sat there for a moment thanking God.

I believe in God already, but if I didn't, that moment would have proved to me that He existed and loved me. It was a small thing, but  not really.  Across the street from us, lives a great family with seven kids, the husband is a teacher, and they are such kind, giving people, with a great family and a strong faith. The husband is the one who cut our lawn and it was such a needed blessing, my little glimpse of heaven. It's like God saw my " to do" list and said " I got the lawn" and crossed it off my list. It felt like a gift from God, and to me it was.

Thank you Jesus!

Conversations Around Race

Our Church has been having a five week session called " Conversations around race" we met together as a large group and then we broke off into ethnic specific groups to have more discussion. Our last meeting had everyone  together again. Each group gave a summary of what they had talked about and learned. We were asked to answer some specific questions. Our group decided to answer our questions poetically. I gathered everyone's notes and tried to answer our questions in a poetic way, keeping it honest, and hopefully capturing the heart of our conversations.

The questions were:
What was one highlight?
What was one challenge your ethnic group faced?
What is one gift of your ethnic group?
How do you view " Power" in light of the Gospel, and God calling us to be willing to lay our power down at times?
What message would you like to share with your brothers and sisters of different ethnic backgrounds/



Here are the responses.

Highlight

It was all significant in one way or two

It’s difficult to share only one with you

But to keep to the question

And to help keep the rhyme

The reality is… we had a wonderful time!

The Challenge

I can only speak for me

Although “I” am a “We” and “they”

But individually our opinions range

From “yes” to “no”, to “maybe so”

From I’m not sure are you?

But what I speak today is from all of us

And true

It’s our challenge

The thing we see we need to wrestle and manage

Even when we don’t have all the advantage

We know we have this

Our wits and our sense

The ability to get over the fence

And find a way through

Up down or in between

Travel down roads unseen

Until we…

Well… until we know we are where we need to be

We come in all shades

And we have more in common than we sometimes want to admit

Trials have greatly formed who we are today

And for that…

We are stronger

But we are also dispersed

And at times discouraged

We have plenty of strengths in our community

But also weakness

Often in the form of internalized oppression

And it only adds drama it does not lessen

What is eating us up

We challenge ourselves to rethink ourselves

And to redefine who we really are

Based on standards set by ourselves

We cannot base our ability to be or become

On who we are told we are or who we are not

Growth and truth must first reign supreme in our own hearts

Our challenge is to fight the internal battle

And we are fighting it

Daily we must each speak life to ourselves

And to those around us

We must spread this new propaganda of life giving truth!

And remember who we are

And whose we are…

And reassess our assets

So we know

What we bring

And then bring it with confidence

And in doing so better understand

All the God given ability that lies within

We must remember we are all one with each other

Even though we range in shades of color and tone

And were birthed in different places and homes

And speak languages foreign to some

From the African brother

To the light-skinned African-American mother

Some may try to split us up and claim we are not one

But we don’t want to play that game

It isn’t any fun

We are who we are; we will be who we will be this Negro-African-Black-American multi-faceted family!

Yes, still part of the human race

Although sometimes confused in this crowded American space

We challenge those who desire to conquer and divide

Those who encourage black on black oppression, to lessen our pride

We stand strongly and speak of unity

Not just you… not just me… but we

We desire to stand united

But at times we stand divided

And too often… we stand alone

We began, again during this process of conversations around race to

Remember…

Cause it’s a daily thing

That we are created in the image of God and we are precious in his sight

We are beautiful

We have wisdom and might

And resilience, and passion

And truth to be shared

And wisdom from those who with burdens did bear

But we must share this with the young in our community

And remind the elders too

And whisper it in the ears of babes

So they grow up hearing the truth

We are in this thing together

The race is not yet won

But if we keep on trekking

We shall overcome

Gift

All it takes sometimes is one head nod

And you know

Right then

That you belong

That someone sees you

It’s like a secret handshake

A special language

Without words

And we have it

This instant community

On the street

In the grocery store

At that convention on the other side of town where nobody looks like you

Wherever we are

Where two or more gather

Just give the nod

Get the gift

Power

Clouds have it when they thunder down rain

And the sun expresses it when it warms the earth

God gave it when he breathed his breath into Adam

And he gave it to you and I when we exited the womb

We really have it when we lay it down

And it lasts longer when we manage it well

It’s meant to be shared

No Lording over one another

It’s meant to be laid down

And respected

You have just as much power as I do

My pie may be peach and yours apple

But we both have pies

And we both have something to offer

I will give you a slice of mine

And surely you will share with me too

You might just get hooked

Interested in the recipe?

Listen

I want to know your secret too

Tell me, if you will

I am powerful by the grace of God

And we are powerful together

Let’s teeter totter our power

So one of us doesn’t end up always on the ground

We must choose to not abuse

And we must be willing to share

Those things meant for sharing

With love, grace, humility, joy

And sometimes dragging our feet

Unto each other

For the good of all

And for the glory of God

(c) Charissa Carroll 2011

 Message

When God made humankind

He said we were good

When God confused languages at the Tower of Babel

I’m sure none of them spoke English and he understood them just fine

God sees us and loves us

He sees our dark skin and boasts of the smoothness

And he sees our brown skin and thinks of chocolate

He sees our yellow skin and is reminded of the sun

And he sees our peachy skin and thinks of summer

He sees our white skin and is reminded of the first snow

But he also sees our hearts

And is reminded of why he died

And our brokenness

And our inability to love one another

Because some of us don’t like summer

Or chocolate

Or we prefer sun over snow

But remember

He knows

And he cares

It is his burden to bear

But by his grace

And by his spirit

And because

He told us to

We must learn to love

Not always like

But give love a try

Like learning to ride a bike

And be okay with falling down

And scraping a knee or two

And when you do

When we do

And we see the blood

Let’s remember

The cross and all that is true

Jesus didn’t die for just you

Or me

He died to set us free

From ourselves and our sin

So that love could win

Charissa Carroll 4/14/2011

All rights reserved (c)  2011 Charissa Carroll

Did he really say....

Did God ever say that we would not experience trouble, heartache, disappointment, tragedy, death, loss of hopes  and dreams, devastation? Who can be exempt from such things? As of today my sister is in the ICU at the hospital, this is the second time in two years that she has experienced a brain aneurysm. When it happened the first time, the doctors were able to see that she had a genetic malformation in a clump of blood vessels  in her brain. So, we know "why" she had the aneurysm, it's hard though that it has happened a second time. Life is not fair, but who ever said it would be?

When trouble or disappointment or sorrow or loss comes upon us, we often, or at least I do want to find out the "why" of it all. We want to blame someone, point a finger at ourselves or just be angry. There is a story in the bible about a man who was born blind. Some of his disciples wanted to point a finger at someone. They asked Jesus who it was that sinned, the man born blind or his parents. Jesus told his disciples neither this man or his parents sinned, that is not why he is blind. He is blind so that God's glory might be manifested in him.

We do live in a fallen world, even those of us who follow Jesus, we still live in a fallen world. Following Jesus does not make the world heaven all of the sudden. I believe we will still go through the same drama everyone else goes through. We will still experience death, people will still break in our houses, some of us will still get cancer, we will lose our houses, we will experience pain and disappointment just like everyone else in the world. Even in the Bible we are reminded to cast our cares on God, why? because we will have things that overwhelm us. We are encouraged not to worry, why? because there will be things to worry about. We are encouraged to trust in God with all of our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, why? because some of the things we experience will take us for a ride, if we have to rely only on ourselves. Jesus tells us not to worry about what we will eat or drink or wear, why? because he knows there will be times when we are without.

My husband really likes this Christian rap group called  " Cross Movement". They have a song that I like and the chorus basically says " Your born, you suffer, you die, but there's a loophole" The loophole is that we do have to navigate this world in all it's beauty and brutality, but this isn't all there is. There is more, it's eternity with Jesus. In heaven there are no tears, no worry, no death, no suffering, no bills, no lack of anything.

I think Jesus gives us that picture of heaven so we can have assurance that it is different from the world. It gives us hope and something to look forward to. Heaven is heaven, earth is not, and it's not supposed to be.

We have promises given us in the Bible and they are not promises that we will never get sick, or have heartache, or die, or struggle. They are promises that we will struggle, but God will struggle with us. We will have heartache, but God will comfort us. We will experience death, but it's not the end. We will have times when we feel we can't make it and God will hold us up.

This life is not all lollipops and rainbows. There are plenty of things to celebrate in this world that God has created, but there are also plenty of reasons to cry and despair. God is with us. He is with my sister. He sees her now in the ICU. He knows what she needs. He knows we need comfort and we want her to be okay. We trust that God has her.

My trust in God is one that says. " God you are mighty and holy and able to do all things, but you are not a genie and you do not do my bidding or fulfill my every wish." However, you are faithful and loving and you do not treat me as my sins deserve, you are gracious and compassionate. You know things I can't even begin to imagine and you see what I need even if I can't see it. So I trust you God, to lead my life, even when it doesn't make sense. I trust you God to comfort me, when I feel betrayed and lost in this world."

You are a God of your Word and you promise to always be with me, even when I feel lost in the chaos of this place.