Note to Self

     I co-lead the Confirmation class at my church. It's a class for mainly 7th & 8th graders to learn the basics of their faith and to better understand the Bible and why they believe what they believe. This year we are studying quite a few things, but one of them is, The Lords Prayer. We are taking it apart line by line to better understand what it is Jesus has taught us to pray.
     This week two words really stood out to me, " Our" and " Father," in class we talked about the significance of calling God, " Our Father." There is a lot to be said about that, but what I have been really thinking about since Sunday is the word, "Our." So many times in my prayers, I pray Lord help my... watch over my... provide for my...I realize I pray to God as if my life is some separate thing from him. I pray as if God is just a witness to my life, but not an active participant in it. I pray like I believe in God, but I don't believe he is with me. I pray like God is some distant figure in  the clouds, rather than a living wonder, a personal saviour, a friend that sticks closer than a brother, a father who cares for the needs of his children, a mother hen who gathers her chicks under her wings, my creator, who has numbered my days and knows the number of hairs on my head. I pray to God like he is just another being in my life.
     How do I do this? I do this by excluding him. I say my life belongs to God, does it really? I'm  not talking about perfection here, or everything in my life being mapped out and organized. I'm talking about my mentality about who God is, what role he plays in my life and how I truly view  him. I know God is powerful, caring, gracious, loving, forgiving, holy, mighty, wonderful. However, do I know that he cares about my kids as much, well even more than I possible could? If that is true, could I pray, " Dear Lord, please keep "our" children safe. Do I believe he wants my marriage to work? If so, could I pray, " Lord, keep "our" marriage grounded in you, and not ours, like me and my husbands marriage, but ours like, God, me and my husbands marriage. Isn't God invested in it too?
     If I pray "our" instead of "my" I'm saying something to God. I'm saying something to myself. I am making a statement about who, I believe God is in my life. I 'm declaring to God, that nothing belongs to me alone. I'm telling him that he is a full investor in this life. I'm telling him I know he's got us! I know he sees me and my life isn't just some recording he watches when he has time. He's not on the sidelines checking out my good plays, he's in the field with me getting dirty, making touch downs, he's with me when I get a penalty and when I don't score. I serve an active God.
    Does God being an active member, guarantee that there will never be any mess ups? Does it guarantee, that my children will never get hurt? That everything will always be perfect? That I won't experience any pain? By no means does it mean that. It does mean however, that each step of the way, I will  know that I am never alone. Each step of life whether good, or bad, painful or joyous, he is there sharing with me in that moment. It means that when rough times come, God is not up in heaven, feeling sorry for me, but he is right next to me,comforting me, singing over me, encouraging me, giving me strength.
     I guess it's just, well not just, but a paradigm shift for me. It's a new way of looking at the activity of this God, to whom I have committed my life. As humans, we half commit, but God, he's game. When he signs his name to us, it's in blood. We are his, through it all, he is faithful.
     I want to quit living life like I just got to survive. I want to live in confidence, that even though the seasons will change and the economy will have it's ups and downs and drama will come and go.... God won't go with that flow, he will stay true to his word, for God his word is his bond. I want to live like I believe.