Intentionally intentional

Intentional- done with purpose, with intent.
The following is a poem I wrote to myself on my 30th Birthday;
Leaves turn colors
Pancakes burn
Kindergarteners  are eager to learn
What happens when a girl turns thirty?
When the flirting is over
And the ring is on
The babies are born
And the dawn has come
What happens when a girl turns thirty?

Everyone told me that turning thirty was a major turning point in a woman's life. They told me that I would see the world differently, my opinions about certain things would change, and as by some sweep of a magic wand, I would be all the wiser. I do believe it was a major turning point in my life in a lot of ways, but it wasn't magic, and it wasn't always graceful. I am thirty-four now and I think I spent the first three years of being thirty pretty dissatisfied and angry with life. I felt like such a loser. I compared myself with too many people. Feeling inadequate because in all my years of schooling, I still only had one Associates Degree and a Certificate in Nutrition. What had I been doing all those years? Why hadn't I done more? Why was I still trying to lose weight? I had a certificate in Nutrition and still I couldn't figure it all out, but I tried. I have been trying for a long time. I have done counseling, and I have been in school for a lot of years, I just didn't have a real focus. I have done lots of  diets too. However, looking back I realize, I wasn't a loser and I didn't and still don't need to compare myself to others. A friend of mine recently posted on my FB page that she wishes she had my gift of writing and poetry. I responded that I wish I had her gift of service and humility. We all have gifts and they are meant for sharing and encouraging and sometimes surrendering, so they can be given back to us and used for a different purpose, or sometimes with a better attitude. I realized that over the years I may not have done everything I wanted or thought I should have. I am still working on my Bachelors degree and I could have had my Masters by now, but that really doesn't matter. The real question for the present is,  Am I living an intentionally intentional life now? Am I still snoozing, and making excuses? Am I still scared to step out in faith? I am scared at times and the occassional snooze is going to happen, but I am focused in a new way. Turning thirty  did change me, the previous years of experience have provided me stepping stones on the path to my intentional life. The past is what it was, today examine your steps, if you don't know where to go ask God, he has already marked your path.